No PMO( Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm) 90Days [05/07/20]

Some other issues that come to mind are the absence of morning boners, and I didn’t have one for years on end. Sometimes I would masturbate when I wasn’t even that hard. My memory has diminished to the point where names were a struggle, describe new things that I recently learned, and just being able to chime in a conversation was a struggle and forgetting conversations or where I recently placed particular objects. It was terrible, like honestly, I thought I was having dementia or a tumor in the head or something. Keep in mind, I’m a pretty active individual and ate resonable well in terms of diet and nutrition.


Real sex was strange. I have had some sexual encounters, but they all felt so foreign to me. Sometimes, my dreams or fantasies wouldn’t involve my first-person experience but a third-person point of view of other people. Also, I realized the negative consequences of this for years and have tried to quit. Over and over and over again but to no prevail. I was hopeless, but that okay because porn was always with me or so my addicting mind tried to tell me. Or just one more time.

Well, this year was the last straw. I know that I have so much potential on the inside, and with all of the other holistic practices and health-promoting knowledge that I’ve acquired, it is time to overcome this thing. That’s where I’m at now. I’ve come along way and want to share my journey with you and help guide you through some of the mistakes that I have made. Let’s start with the actual goal


Goal: I have gone 90 days with no Porn, masturbation, or orgasm due August 1st, 2020

Why: This is goal is essential to me because….reasons listed above. As a side note, when things get hard or when adversity strikes, if you don’t have a why, you go back to your old easy ways. The question of why is the foundation that keeps you stable and grounded when life comes your way. When you lose some of the benefits to come. When your addiction pathways are doing everything they can to persuade you into feeling/ thinking that just one more time won’t hurt. To make an effective why statement, it has to mean something to you. Strong emotions should come up when reading it and so forth.


Potential problem areas:

  • Not being able to sleep at night and seeking porn to find relief–> Phone turned off at night no exceptions
  • Real surges of sexual energy penetrating throughout my body–>Transmute energy with breathwork and visualization excercises
  • Obstaining from Marijuana and limiting alcohol consumption to two drinks per session

This section is imporant because it helps analyze your trigger points, and helps create a plan when those feelings/thoughts emerge. Most people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan. Trust me it’s paramount that you have an idea what to do when the urges come up


Small Wins:

This section just helps you visualize the progress that is being made. This could be a simple Talley of each day that you do not succumb to the addiction. It could be at a certain benchmark, you reward yourself with something not relating to PMO. It could be going to a fun event that you makes you feel alive and the burdens of life just temporary melt away from your consciousness. For me I’m motivated by a few things. Delicious, scrumptious, delightful food brings joy to me and my belly. For each week that I pass this challenge, I will be treated myself to some Sushi, Taco Tuesday feasts, and I’m a sucker for some cornbread pancakes. This will be my reward. Find something that works for you.


This section is imporant because it allows you to track your progress and give you something to look forward to. It gives the inspiration of hope and can be helpful when trying to make it through the day.

Accountability partner: This step is vital folks because if the outcome is just relying on you, then you have no one to keep you honest, keep you secure, and keep you with your word. If you want to take this a step further, if you break or crack, so to speak, you must do something you, really, really hate to do. Like you would rather die, then let this happen. It could be donating money to a cause or person you adamantly hate; it could be something humiliating that you have to do in front of an audience. You get the idea. Also, it is beneficial to be able to talk to someone about the feeling, struggles, and emotions that come to the surface. You got a friend in me

Some people, including myself, have used porn to escape their life, to avoid the responsibilities and consequences of their decisions. So when removing this pleasurable escape, some of the pain and suffering will resurface. That’s okay. Don’t run from it, face it, embrace it, love it, and then make the modifications necessary to attack it, or change your narrative if you cannot change it.

Let’s talk about the dreaded relapse. People this challenge is difficult regardless if you have addicted pathways of porn in the brain or not. You will be tempted and there will be times you slip up. Just learn the lesson, and create an action plan so the same mistake wont be repeated. Treat yourself with love, compassion, and understanding. If you do relapse, something known as the chaser effect tends to occur. The chaser effects usually includes more testosterine, more boners, and more urges tend to come up. However, don’t go spiraling back into your old habits. Don’t indulge just bewcause you slipped up. This created more damage and undos much of the progress that you’ve already made.

Something else that you should be aware of is the dreaded flat-line. Your body after the week or so of increased sexual prowess and surges will decline to almost nothing. You will have a lifeless boner guys. The time of the flat-line varies from individual to individual but expect the range of two weeks to a month. Expect this, acknowledge it, and do not revert on the challenge to get your life back. It will come back naturally with time and is a positive indicator that the healing has begun.

Something inspiring that may help you combat your urges, is the acknowledgment that with each new urge that unveils it’s shadow, is an opportunity to work past it. To feel it, and simply let it pass. With each passing urges it gets easier and more fulfilling. Give your self appraise and know that you just moved one step further in your healing journey

https://simplesoulsteps.com/every-journey-begins-with-the-first-step/

I will be sharing my experiences with you all on a week by week timeline. I wanted to post this at the beginning of the month, but life and other events happened. I have started this challenge May 1st.


Week 1 05/07/20 : Had quite a few urges, and some of the temptations in my head were trying to convince me just to take a peak. Memory has slightly improved and have noticed a slight relief from the previous binge session. Lastly, there was a woman who came into my work with a revealing shirt, and the surge of testosterone flew through me. I could feel an increased sense of energy, and something was propelling me to talk to her. It was an overall good conversation, and we went our separate ways.


I’m more aware of feelings of anger coming up. Angry at my spot in life, or maybe of the foolishness of my decisions with porn. I’m not sure, but that energy did make for an excellent workout. I know through experience that the dreaded flat line is approaching, and at least I will have things to work on in the meantime.

[Relapse] 05/09/20 : Honesty is my policy and today I relapsed. It sucks and I wish it did not happen but it is what is. The experience was rather disappointing and instead of witnessing those thought and feelings, I engaged with them and chased them.

In reflecting and looking back, it’s imperative that I engage with my morning routine of exercise, yoga, and meditation. Today I delayed it and I believe that with that, I would of had more awareness and more control over my addictive thoughts and habits. Also, I did not engage with my plan when urges come up. Moving forward, I must do my morning routine first, no matter what. Then I will be practicing my plan for urges even when I do not have any, to ingrain it in my mind for when they reveal themselves.

https://happyherbivore.com/2011/10/my-path-success/



A DISMAL RELAPSE

https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/dark-depression-abstract-human-silhouette-background-59794657.jpg

Relapse: 05/15/20 :
With the current state of the world and my addictive mind getting the better of me, I relapsed twice. I was on auto-pilot. It was not enjoyable, and it was not soothing. The immediate gratification dissipated, and what stood remaining was the grievous shame and the retched guilt that would not let me out of its alluring grasp. I was in a state of nothingness. I did not care about anything. This toxic energy radiated through me and was not welcoming and inviting.

AN ELEVATED MEDITATION INSIGHT

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/95/72/7d/95727d4115d7a39a32303ccbfa248e7a.jpg

05/18/20:
I had an emotional insight during meditation that I didn’t want to see, but I believe it is a substantial stepping stone to my recovery and success. In my heightened state of receptiveness, I saw the patterns and consequences of my porn habit flash across my field of awareness. I was disturbed to see the other areas of my life diminish in quality. My friendships have wanned to the point of an everyday acquaintance. My family relationships are lacking and shuttered. My motivation and drive have been hijacked to staleness. I’ve been wandering the abyss of life with no clear inward direction. My decision making altered to short term gratification, and my mental capacity and capability has subdued to a state of nothingness. My anxiety and depression full hands on deck that echoed throughout my soul with the impactful phrase, ” your life is meaningless.” Pain flooded my consciousness but so did truth.

I’ve come to realize I have a porn addiction. It shutters my inner light and gift to the world. It persuades my brain, that everything is okay, when my life is falling apart. This emotional and tearful experience was an emotional rock bottom moment for me. With the illuminating of my demons, I saw something else. I saw the unveiling of my light.

I envisioned my addiction as a living entity. I wanted to turn to anger but knew the only way forward was with love and acceptance. I thanked my addiction. I thanked it for keeping me safe. I appreciated it for not allowing me to confront my fear. I acknowledged that it was trying to protect me, then wholeheartedly, I parted with it. I firmly and adamantly communicated to this entity, “that you may be a part of my past but you are no longer dictating my future. Thank you and I love you. The experience was mysterious, marvelous, and jaw clenching. I let go and surrendered. Tears were streaming down my face and deep emotions began to make their presences felt. I saw the people that I’ve hurt with this addiction. I saw my family and friends and the look of concern and awe as I purged my sins. I apologized for the way I withdrew. I apologized for my erratic behavior. I apologized for not bringing my best self into the world and hugged all of them.

All of the references that I should seek therapy began to scream in transparency. I’m in full acceptance of my current state. Before change can occur, you must feel the full gravity of your choices. You must embrace the full consequences of your actions. You must embrace the guilt and shame for the pain to reach a tipping point. This moment of pain is the catalyst change. I never want to experience that again. I never want my brain and decision making to go down the rabbit hole of disillusionment and powerlessness. Moving forward, I am seeking professional help, and will keep you updated.

Failure a.k.a. more wisdom for success

07/27/20: I have been on/off the wagon for a month or so. First and foremost, I would like to apologize to my fans that have counted on me, and encouraged me through this process. I know that this is a bucket list item that I would like to accomplish but I am noticing a shame feedback loop, when I falter and make a mistake. This vicious loop is prohibiting for setting my sights on new targets and brings up small voices of shame and guilt.

Moving forward, I will re-attempt this challenge in the future, but right now new challenges and new content are waiting to be unleashed. Thank you all and till next time, bring your best light forward because the world and yourself deserve it. Much love fam.

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